I thought i wun fall for one again. caz i really tired of being hurt. Why cant i just be stronger? I dread long and late night. Especially when im walking home alone. Why i always reject people to accompany home? There's a reason behind it, which i guess no one will noe it. I like accompany of course. Who likes to walk alone in a long, dark street where cold wind blow harshly on me?
Fate likes to play trick on people. I totally agree with this. I feel that i got this problem. I will reject one's help without any reason. I can simply just shut myself from one. I have no idea why. Im not angry or wad. Just got this weird behaviour. I will sit there and stone when i observe them. Especially to some particular guys. Maybe not anyone of you might realise this but it do happen. Even when walking in a group, i always think of something else all of a sudden. Am i thinking too much? Perhaps.. i observe carefully. Though im blur, i can sense many things that might happen in human relationship. Im not sure how accurate i will go.. maybe this is why i don't really get very shocked when i hear which him and her together. LOLx..
Many will not know behind this blurry little me, i got a side of darkness. I don't dislike anyone but maybe my poor presentation may lead people to the wrong way of thinking. Im deprive of security.. i dun nid a bf to protect me or wad. But the people around me makes me insecure. I feel that i might lose them anytime. Im losing my grip and nothing can let me rest myself. As in projects, i worry alot. Havent find the steady working partner. Only sweetie can let me lean on.. why must i be the devil in the group? Social life.. is still okay. I got few steady buddies that can let me grab on. I really appreciate that. *muacckss sweetie, wen and max* i got a nice honey too. That one surely will fend me regardless of anything. But why do i still feel insecure? Its been long since i feel this way again.. =(
This song can really express what i trying to say now.. listen to this song and see if you guys feel this way too? I always stone at times. When you brought me back, i will reply that im tired. Yeah, tired~ of course. Its mentally tired. Frens that run to me with their problems.. become my problem too? I always trying to help them even when i dun have much love experience. I cannot provide you the best answer but i tried. Why are there so many love triangles around? I am cheerful.. yes! i am.. only when im not alone i guess.
I dun want to go all the way alone.. yet always, im alone most of the time. Im actually very dependent. I used to lean on my fren.. have heart to heart chat with my girls. People accompanying me home, have little quarrels and cold war with one another. Long hours chatting on phone.. Gossip and laughing as little meanies. Where are my those little times? People are getting busier and all these are cut off. I used to love my phone talking sessions. But why do now, i see my phone getting stored at a little corner and i refuse to pick up calls? Why is this so?
All because of the neglected feelings and woes i swallowed over the years.. I tried hard not to break down. A cheery smile to face all. But everytime, i came back, scarred. Facing rejections in most aspect. I failed to care for sweetie. I just feel sorry to her at times. Whenever she nid accompany, i just like shrug her off. Just like tat time she went lot one alone to watch late night movie.. Im a bad fren. *slaps* dui bu qi. I shall draw more time to accompany u when xiang xiang is not around.
Im sick of rejection in relationship. Try to get that little feeling away caz i noe you like her instead. Im accurate.. trust me. Im not sure if you'll ever read this entry anot. You will noe that im talking about you if you are sensitive enough to discover this caz i seldom pm guy in msn. I believe i wun tell you. I dun wish to face rejections or avoidance. Maybe now i believe its never right for girls to take the initiative? Caz guys heal faster than girls and its proven right..
Can that little cuteness become the starting of a newborn love? I don't know.. (= Yours
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