I was waiting for lift and i felt cold suddenly. Lift haven't arrive and i noticed one of the lamps in front of lift A is flickering. I looked up, it become dim. I looked straight and it started flickering again. I looked up again and i saw it become dim. I looked straight and it started flickering. Third trial.. I stared hard at it for a longer time. It stopped longer.
And it started flickering once i stopped looking at it. o.O
This time, i felt a little eerie. Just now, i asked mum and jie who reached home at around 10 plus. They said the lamps are working well. None of them flickers. One hour difference.
None.
And what does it means? I'm not hallucinating nor imagine things. I'm sure i saw it with my own eyes. Gosh. Everyday is weird and scary. At this rate i'm running through life, i might die earlier.
Kaiwen said i'm in love. Oh really? Do i seemed like i am? Haha. I feel that it is more of self-torture. In relationship, i always prefer to give than to take. In a more traditional way of speaking, I prefer taking the "man's role" of choosing partner, because..... i will be able to devote all my feelings to him and not always hoping that, he likes me more than i like him.
Seriously, i don't mind. If there is one to be hurt more, i rather i'm the one. I'm willing. At least i cried for him once, feel the butterflies in my stomach when i saw him in the past. Now tears should come to a stop. No more tearing in xinyi's life. There should only be laughter. No matter how hard.. i will try.
No one shall ever see me crying again.........
My relationship cycle
Self denial --> Acceptance --> No assurance --> Self deceiving --> Escaping --> Self torture.
This is not being emo. I sorted out my thoughts. I promised myself to be happy because my life will surely be shorter than others. I will live everyday nicely.
Istoppedandwaitforyou, yetyouchosetoleaveandwalkalone......... Yours
[ @ 12:15:00 AM | 0 comments ]