i always thought that i am strong. i'm evitable. actually it's not the truth. i'm not. i fall easily. i can't stand people nice to me. i'm angry at what people do to me but i don't bear grudges. i whine over it but after that, i'm alright.
always appear to be infallible. i shoot back when people quarrel with me. fought back when people bully me. all these years, i learned to stand up for myself. drastic changes since secondary school. even looks. from a nerdy xinyi to a lian looking me. it's not what i hope to become. it's just what people see.
i appeared to be accepted socially. in fact, i've become more afraid of crowds. anti-social plus a bit of unfriendliness. began to choose friends, condemn people. i'm getting more crude each day. i scold people at slightest matter. i'm always trying to be nicer to strangers. yeah i'm passionate. i shower hugs and whatsoever you can named to my darlings. but no one knows what i want.
seriously at times, i nearly breakdown. i feel hurt. by my past relationships. i'm strong at everything except the game of love. i'm not easily in love, but sure in out of love. guys like to lead me on. perhaps, they get excited when a girl confessed to them?
does it means that it comes easy so there is no worth for treasure?
afterall, love shouldn't be a thing that is to be treated lightly. so what if i'm the one who started the thing going? don't ever lead me on when you want only laughter. i might not be able to take it anymore. i felt my heart tearing when i see him, with another girl.
haas. after giving me hope, he threw me down. they once told me before that:
"there will be a better guy and i definitely deserved him more."
"is not that you're no good, but i think that girl suits me better."
or worst,
being two-timed.
i'm always a winner but why am i'm the loser in bgr? now, i not longer asking or looking forward to any. i don't need any guys. not even him. i don't want to get myself scarred again. maybe there's love, there's forgiveness. girls are more soft hearted so naturally, i lose out?
i'm getting lost in the game of love, not going to play with it anymore.. Yours
[ @ 2:44:00 AM | 0 comments ]