time to be random.
can't stand my quiet phone.
since night till now.
yikes! not emo, only feeling empty. randomly, some weird emotions definitely surfaced. i'm not thinking about any particular thing but just wanted so badly, to sort out my lost feelings and thoughts.
it has been long since i feel free. no problem and worries. able to laugh without frowning. able to laugh at small little things. able to do nitty gritty things for other guys. able to hold hands and walk with them. all the able to do things with a normal guy friend. i miss that old me!
so therefore, i came to a conclusion
everything is only a dream
which i used to have.
now, it's time to wake up
to this true world
named reality.
i'm not like any other girl. who wanted a 24/7 boyfriend, who throw tantrums at the slightest matter. angry at what their guy can't give them. sometimes, it's just the girl who needs some reflections. so, i did mine too.
since i can't get what i want, why should i kept clinging onto it? making myself scarred isn't xinyi's way of living. bgr isn't the first thing i prior. so, why do i see myself feeling despondant, emo and crying over something impossible?
just because he used to give me hopes?
being sweet-talked?
i'm not blaming him for leading me on. sometimes, it's really hard for us to make a decision. for fear to make a wrong decision and ended up feeling regretful. humans are selfish. i mean like who wouldn't want ownself to be happy? to be loved? only some will go after the things they wanted. i understand.
right, i belong to that minority. i will go after the guy i desire. who cares about the traditional thingy? it's already what era! so what if we failed to be together? for now, i don't have much regret.
i'm fine that i do not have a boyfriend because i know that i'm not unwanted. i like him but it's not necessay we have to be together. i'm not trying to make myself feeling better by saying this. but somehow, i know him better than that two. at least i'm not being kept in the dark. i'm glad that we are close friend who disclose secrets. i just know things that they don't. i'm satisfied.
i grieved. afterall, grieve is a very natural process after an important loss. but my time is over. there will be a stop to grive. so i'm leaving it. i will get it off.
my randomness
i can be a 24/7 girl, but i don't need a 24/7 guy.
i'm quite liberal, but i don't wish my guy to be overly.
i don't need him to please me that sweet, but he can't treat a girl better than me.
i need a generous guy, but i want to see him jealous.
i will do all things to make him feel secure.
lalalalala~ i'm just so hard to please.
it's better to keep me as a friend.......
because i'm a rare species.
XDD
you once hurt me badly
but i thank you for those memories..
next week, it shall be. Yours
[ @ 2:17:00 AM | 0 comments ]